18 Apr My Anger wasn’t Scheduled. I had to “planet” 🪐😆
I almost didn’t write this post because I’m going through some things. Then I asked myself, “isn’t that the point of all this? To show my weaknesses and share how I deal with them?” So yeaaaaaaah….
Here we go. Buckle up and join me on my ride if you dare. This entry is about ANGER.
I’m a noise maker when I’m angry. Feeling overextended and out of control triggers my inner noise maker which I know is not fun to be around. There is always a constant stream of daily interruptions that make my to-do list longer and my deadlines shorter. *Slam* *Crash* “F#@king Sh#t!”
Meanwhile, the planet Pluto is out there shaking things up. This planet wants us to phoenix, burn the bad stuff down so we can rise up even better than before. Pluto’s movements seem to coincide with my recent bouts of getting angry. But — here is the question: do I actually believe the planets affect moods and behaviors? My answer: Affect them, yes. Cause them, no.
Although it’s fun to blame planetary alignment, it’s not helpful. What is helpful is getting to the root of the problem.
Anger is actually a secondary emotion, meaning there’s another primary emotion fueling it. I had to look for an emotion which started off as fear, hurt (loss), or sadness to find the cause of my anger. I had to reflect back on when I felt most vulnerable or out of control. This exercise helped me find my triggers.
Like many people, I grew up with parents who worried too much what other people thought and who feared judgement. Appearing “perfect” was the name of the game. That was the tip of the iceberg. My mother believed, if you weren’t busy all the time, you’re a loser. My father was a man whose self-value was measured by his bank account. Combine all this together and I inherited a core belief that being successful is based on working 18 hours a day and having a fat bank account to show for it. Anything less and you failed – go die. Literally.
No surprise my mother died from stroke complications and my father died by suicide in crippling debt. This proves they were wrong about success. But it didn’t stop me from inheriting their bad beliefs which are now fueling my current anger. Even though I know better. Yet I’m still trying to untangle myself from a belief system that is decades in the making.
As of this writing, my checking account has a balance of 64 cents. My first reaction is to think of how my parents would be ashamed of me (sadness). Then I found myself getting angry. I mean, I’ve been working really, really hard on all my projects, why isn’t my bank account growing? I must be a loser. Blah blah blah. Cue negative mental chatter.
Instead of judging myself, I CBT’d myself. I used Congitive Behavior Thereapy methods, specifically “reframing”. Reframing is the new buzz word which means to change a mindset and viewpoint of a situation.
I told myself to be grateful I wasn’t actually overdrawn. Gratitude helps change the focus from negative to positive. I recognized my bills were down from the last few months. I allowed myself to be proud of the things I’ve accomplished in just the first quarter of this year. I reminded myself I have 4 lucrative projects I am working on every day so its just a matter of time. I’m not failing. I am merely a work in progress. I essentially took the time to convince myself there was no good reason to be angry. I flipped the narrative.
It’s impossible to think we will never get angry because, after all, we are human. But understanding my reactions to my anger really helped me put it all into perspective. Instead of blaming Pluto, I will give it the accolades for teaching me something. So, thanks, Pluto!
If you’re struggling with some core beliefs that are hurting you and would like some help redirecting your mindset, click here to work with me.
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Nikki KaurPosted at 23:19h, 18 April
Great post. I really like how you explain things in a simple and straightforward manner !